you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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