there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
