Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize