Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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