Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize