i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
