Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize