My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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