Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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