I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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