We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
