My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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