So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
