It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
