So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
