well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize