I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
