I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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