Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
