So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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