so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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