glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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