By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
