I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
