Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
