i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
