did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize