I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
