What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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