What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it because I queefed?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
