It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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