He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
