Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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