Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
