I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
