when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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