I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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