I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
