I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
