She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
