i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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