i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
