I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
