You just made me feel so damn special
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
