I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
