after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How does one acquire holy water?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
