if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Don't make out with my wife yet
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize