Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
