Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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