I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize