I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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