$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
