went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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