I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
