Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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