There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
