im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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