matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
