Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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