I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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