if you like me you must not know who I am
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
