My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
