Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
