You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
