i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found your dick twin last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
